Roughly this time last year, I proposed to someone (obviously through my family). We talked about our likes and dislikes. About climbing walls and playing chess. Kids and divorce. Democracy and Islam. Education system in Pakistan and how we can fix things. Basically, we talked a lot. Since, I had read and heard a lot about this person, I had asked my family to approach her family. Things were going pretty smooth but then everything took an unexpected turn and today I am sitting all alone writing this blog.

When things were going great, I started to like this person a lot and for that reason as much as I tried to forget her, I failed. I have failed till now.

I was never the guy who would fall in love and get married. LOL, I never believed in love, till it happened to me.

I never met or spoke to this person in real life. I didn't even see her. And before I had read/heard about her, I was the geeky type of guy who would only be concerned about work. I never remembered birthdays or anniverseries, but I did try to keep a good relationship with others- specially my family.

After meeting (virtually, that is) to her, I become a different person. And after things ended amongst ourselves, I become more restless and miserable. I want to end this misery once and for all.

I have decided that I would become the same old geeky guy I was and try to keep myself busy with stuff that I like. We are still friends and I do value our friendship and I do believe that she would help me come out of this whole ordeal. I pray for her and for myself for happiness and success.

Oh, since I am trying to be the same old me. I have also decided not to get married, because I never wanted to get married. I wanted to work hard, be succesfull and die rich and single :) . Always wanted to die rich and single so that poor people could benefit from my wealth. Well, thats just a dream till now.

I have made stupid mistakes and sinned a million times and I ask for forgiveness from Allah Al-Mighty (Ameen).

This is in response to Abez's May 5, 2005 entry: From the Homely Brother. She also explained herself in her May 6th entry about "From the Homely Brother." If you have any doubts, questions and/or concerns about my poem, please read her explanation first and if that doesn't help, than feel free to email me.

From the Homely Sister

You express your feelings
In such a perfect way
So brother, I accept the distance
For every single day

I appreciate your devotion
For my honor being foremost
I don't know about my merits either
Only Allah knows the most

I stood there all alone
But saw the concern in your eyes
Brother, when he blocked my path
For me you were willing to die

When he with his thieving hands
Tried to open my scarf free
This was a test from Allah
Brother, for you and for me

As you stood in rage
I stood in virgin shame
You'd come to my defense
If I would've called your name

If only you would see me
As more than just my scarf
If only you could think of me
As more than religiously harsh

Due to respect, I know Brother
You don't call my name
I respect you too brother
So I will also do the same

It's not that you consider me inferior
Because Allah's command you fulfill
By not looking at my face
When with love our hearts are filled

Without my heart missing beats
Without forgetting to be 'sister'
Without wishing your love
Was for me, and no other

So until Allah, He blesses ME
And you become my other half
I will ALSO close my ears
From listening to your lovely laugh

I know you close your eyes
To the beauty of my face
And this is why I pray to Allah
We are together in the coming days

I know for me, you quit smoking
And left your city and your job
But this way you came closer to Allah, so
When remembering me, please don't sob

I will always remember
What you said once
If not the one,
Than it should rather be none

For you primary is Islam
Secondary, your family and myself
So if you can't get me
Read the Qur'an and calm yourself

You express your feelings
In such a perfect way
So brother, I accept the distance
For every single day

- Some Desi
(May 6, 2005)